coming out of the closet

Well, I guess i should share this news to all who read: i am now gay. Yep.
Dont worry though, it's only for a few days, or months, or years, depending on how long it'll take dumb and dumber to figure out i'm straight as a line....well maybe a crokked line, but not like a circle :D
anyways, i guess i brought this up to show that girls dont play by the rules. and i'm being totally serious. I was hanging out with a girlfriend of mine and some guys i had just met, knowing she liked one of them and the other had no interest in me, we set of to meet some more of their friends. All guys, all "okay", and all not my type. So instead of sitting back on the boat and letting them poke fun and try to flirt[yes i said TRY] i decided to switch it up. It was my first time meeting with them and i was pretty sure it would be my last too. SO i told them i was gay. It took about 10 miuntes before the one guy "j" started to believe me. But after he was convinced the rest was a piece a cake. I even had help from my girlfriend, not that we did anything becvause she was with her crush the whole time, but the whole how i met her and i thought she was cute story totally got my story rolling. Not only that but i was able to call my mom to ask to stay longer and when i said "mom they now about it" she was hesitant at first but decided to play along also. Everything i ever said that night was based purely on instinct. I never before was so open with guys and never before were they so open to me. I was able to ask these guys things never in a million years did i ever think i would get a real answer for but because i was "gay" i was able to be "one of the guys" i even joked em around and talked about sports. I felt really included and even thought about my sexuality haha. not that i am gay, i'm certain i like the male stature, but for one night it was great to be someone i'm not and look inside the mind of a guy. Just goes to show you can never judge a girl by her looks. :D

seeing it through my eyes

no one ,not even myself, really understood what had happened to me years ago. I always had the sense that it was my fault, all of it. Every last mistake was because of me. I had been able to talk about the event before, but not until recently had i actually cried about it. it was not abuse nor neglect nor rape. But it broke my heart. Every thing i had in that friendship, everything i had put on the line, was taken away from me. i fell and today i still bare bruises. I always told myself it was my fault, i shouldn't have messed up, i was a jealous friend who couldn't get over herself. & somehow when i told myself this I felt that everything that had happened to me was because of me, and it was okay. I never really realized that what had happened was pretty over-the-top. I have a friend that is going through what i had gone through. & even though people may talk badly about her, i'm still always there for her, at least i try to be. I guess i finally got the memo that what had happened to me was wrong, and i never fully looked at it with my own eyes. I didnt get this from my parents, i didn not get it from my friends, i got it from analyzing and talking about what i had gone through and seeing it for myelf with my own reactions and feelings. It may have been 3 years ago or maybe even more, maybe i should be over it by now....but for a 12 to 13 year-old girl to go through losing her friend and a second family really hurts. especially when it was by choice and blame on the girl being left behind. I was blamed for being abandoned, it was my fault that i was depressed and it was my fault that my best friend wasn't there for me. BUT IT WASNT. i still cry, i still feel heartbreak. i think about my family i had once and wonder if they know how much they hurt me. i wonder if they think about or ask themselves if what they did was right.....i miss them, but i going to move on even though my broken heart isnt mending.

the 15 year old.....vs the five year old

well, i believe we all know how this will go down. Everyone takes the younger side because well....it's more naive and innocent. & well i would pick that side too, if kids weren't getting so smart these days. trust me, my little sister [the 5] has her own aol account. She knows how to get one by herself[granted it's with a saved password] but the point is that kids are not as naive or innocent as they used to be. They know how to play the cards and they also know how to play the parents even the sisters. Its amazing actually, to watch someone grow into such a evil little person. hahaha no, i love my little sister but she does know how to do and say things, always making one of us[my other sister or i] look bad and at fault. Yes, most of the time it is our fault, but wasn't there a time when it was always the little siblings fault??? now they know how the world works and in ten years we will probably have college students who are ten. okay maybe not, but it's only the begginning.

beginning of the teenage years: STAGE ONE

here we go along with life. After all those nice years of being 10 and 11, maybe even 12, and they just disappear from reality because you're now a teen. Hormones start up, pimples become regular and you're life is obsessive with either boys or football. watching and looking back to my fragile first years as a teen and watching my sister go through these tough first years allows me to start this blog with my first writing the evolution of teenagers.

STAGE ONE:

well, some girls start their "makeshift" as early as age 10. Most others start in the years of 12-15. Anyway, it all seems that all girls want to become like the first bloomer. Then, become crushed when they actually get it and learn about the hassles. The pimples overnight, the weight gain, cramps, etc. Boys on the other hand don't exactly start "maturing" until about 8th/9th grade. Those who mature before that will probably be gay or outcasts. [this is very unfortunate because most us girls need guys like this] Anyway, the first stage starts physically with the hair in weird places, the dot, and growing up. The mental changes start when friends cast you out, you realize that you're not as pretty as the people in magazines, and clothes matter alot more than life itself. I really don't have anything on boys; being the eldest of three girls. But I'm guessing looks become pretty important, as does pumping iron to be the one cool jock. This stage seems to hit younger groups of teens and pre-teens, even before the physically changes start. Which, I guess could be a good thing, but I'd rather go through the stage once when I'm older, than going through it more when I'm younger. Any way this is basically the first stage of evolving into a teenager.

Conclusion:

-teens at the beginning worry too much about clothes and popularity

-boys are more into sports like girls are more into boys

-some times mental effects of this stage start before physical

-MOST AWKWARD STAGE EVER

-it's hard but looking back you'll laugh your butt off :)

-keep living, theres no use in going through this stage and process if your not gonna live life after it

Whats the deal with the blog yo?

The good ol' question people are asking now adays. Whats up with the blog?[i put the yo in as a sidenote of myown personality :P] Well, it seems to me that a blog is an easy, fast, and convienant way to share one's day and laugh about it in the end. Maybe [hopefully] make other people laugh at your own expense also. [whatever works right?] But then people ask, whats the deal with the "teenage evolution'? Well, in my opinion teenage years are the years where one tries to find themselves and ask questions about what they want to do in life. So thanks to my great biology teacher i have decided to call teenagers "intermiediate forms of the human race" because frankly we are. Are teenagers really only intermiediate forms, no, but yet we kinda are. Its in these fragile years of our life that we learn that mistakes are allowable, you dont have to eat everything on your plate, and [even though we know what it's about] we still dont understand the "birds and the bees". I may be wrong about everything, but maybe somewhere in what i write, i could be right. It really all depends on your own opinions and how open your mind is. :P

I think i met an angel today. I was waiting for my mom for one hour at the cafe [where we were suppose to meet and have lunch] when i got fed up and tried calling her but couldnt get through. Luckily i got ahold of my aunt, but it didnt stop me from crying. After i got off the phone and went to sit down, a bus-girl asked me if i was okay and talked to me for a while. She told me her name and said if i needed anything just to call for her. She was really sweet, and i dont know what the world would do without people like that. Because of her action I didnt write about how some highschool girls are mean and spoiled. I almost forgot about how my mom owes me [almost forgot but didnt....yet]. I guess there is hope in the world for the human race :).
~Thank you [even though you're probably not reading this and dont even know me if you are]
My goal this weekend is to help someone like i was :)
[sorry if i didnt make you laugh, but hopefully i inspired]
PEACE

High School and Senoritis

High school, ah, the the best[or worst] four years of your life. The years that play a huge role in who you become. these years allow you to create your cocoon from which you go out into the world a new [this you will either break after graduation, or when your out of grad school].
Do I care? No. Sorry to say.
This is probably because I have diagnosed myself with SENORITIS.
I know what you're asking; what the ****[use whatever you want to interpret the *] is SENORITIS?!
Well, it normally comes to late or early seniors during their last [aka senior] year of high school, when all they want to do is get out and never come back. It is rare, but not uncommon, to find it also in late Sophomores, Juniors, and Freshmen [aka me]. To clarify what I mean let me try and give you the "D.L."[down low] of the situations. Ever wonder why there are so many dropouts? [Besides pot,alcohol,jobs,money,ect.] Senoritis. It's a common factor found in rich, clean, and middle class high school students that just want to get out. Do all people with Senoritis drop out? No, most carry on the agony and bear it because of friends, family, and so forth. Others may even become cured from senoritis after a few days/months/years of school.
What are the symptoms? Well, heres a few i got off the top of my head [I'll google it later]:
-Late to class,skipping alot
-Not wanting to go
-bad school work
-hates it
-probably not popular
-may be a "loner"
-may be made fun of at school
-doesnt participate in activities, or participates in alot to keep off of school work
-insomnia
-depression
-bipolar disorder
-this is not a real diease
-nausea
-heartburn
-indigestion
-upset stomach
-diarriah
I have most of the symptoms above, concluding why i have diagnosed myself with senoritis. Though there are only 5 more weeks till school is out, I still feel the days drag on. WHEN THIS YEAR IS OVER ONLY 3 MORE TO GO! YAY!
If you have any questions or would like to see more symptoms of senoritis please do not hesitate in asking

[[Please read fast and in a low voice as if hearing it after a medical commercial to get the full effect]]
Senoritis is not a real disease, and I am not saying that this is a real reason for drop outs out of high school/college/grad school, ect. most of the symptoms above should be consulted by a doctor before being diagnosed with senoritis. there is no cure for senoritis, but if you make friends and aren't as lame as the person writing this, you could cure it yourself. Thank you for your time, and i try to write fast to make it seem fast even thought you're probably reading it slowly to make out the words.